Maybe the Hardest Choices Are the Ones We Have to Make

“Sometimes, the stuff we all hate ends up being the only way to do things” (Weir, 2021, p. 232).

This might be my favorite sentence in Project Hail Mary so far. Sometimes the decisions we have to make aren’t the ones we want to make. And sometimes doing what’s necessary challenges what we believe is right.

Stratt continues to amaze me. Her interaction with Dr. Robert Redell is brilliant. She knows he has information she needs, and once they’re past the excuses and bullshit, she gets down to brass tacks: the black panels. I admire her ability to recognize what people can contribute and keep her focus on the bigger picture. But I also wonder where we draw the line between doing what’s necessary and doing what’s right.

I’m particularly intrigued by Stratt’s statement that she doesn’t care about morality but does care about humanity (Weir, 2021, p. 235). Can we really separate the two? And does having the responsibility to save humanity give someone the freedom to make decisions for everyone else?

Interestingly, this connects to something I’ve been reading in another PhD course. Dewey (1938) argues that freedom involves more than simply being able to do what we want. It requires thoughtful judgment and consideration of the consequences of our choices.

And this is where the book becomes personal for me.

As a mother advocating for my son, I spend a lot of time thinking about how our educational system makes decisions about children. I believe we need a fundamental shift in how we understand and respond to students, particularly those whose needs and behaviors don’t fit neatly into traditional expectations. Systems are designed to create consistency, but children aren’t all the same. And I wonder how often that consistency comes at the expense of truly understanding the individual child.

My research into childhood adversity and student behavior has only strengthened that belief. How often do we make decisions based on what a system requires rather than what an individual child actually needs? And how much freedom do children have when the adults making decisions haven’t fully considered their experiences?

I’ve also been thinking about a recent episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast where Mel talks about making decisions with both our hearts and our heads. Knowing what matters to us is one thing. Figuring out how to act on it is another. I feel that tension in my own advocacy. I know what I believe children deserve, but working toward meaningful change within established systems isn’t always easy.

Dr. Leclerc brings another perspective. He cares deeply about the climate, yet he’s faced with releasing greenhouse gases to help save humanity. I love his vulnerability. He’s trying to protect something important while knowing his actions could cause harm elsewhere.

And then there’s Rocky and Dr. Grace. Their friendship is extraordinary, but what I love most is the absence of judgment between them. They come from entirely different worlds, with different ways of communicating and understanding their surroundings, yet neither seems interested in judging the other for those differences. Instead, they’re curious. They listen. They learn.

I wish we approached more of our relationships that way.

I’ve always believed shared experiences are important to understanding another person. Mel also talks about intentionally creating shared experiences to better understand someone else’s world. Rocky and Grace are doing exactly that. They don’t begin with a shared history, but they’re building one through patience, curiosity, and mutual respect.

And I can’t help but bring that back to education. What would happen if we approached children’s differences with the same curiosity instead of immediately measuring them against an established expectation? What if understanding came before judgment?

Maybe that’s what I’m taking away from these chapters. Having the authority to make a decision doesn’t necessarily mean we understand its impact. And perhaps the most important part of making difficult choices is being willing to understand the people who will live with them.

When we believe we’re doing what’s best for someone, how often do we stop to ask whether we’ve truly understood their experience?

Dewey, J. (1938). Experience and education. Kappa Delta Pi.

Robbins, M. (2026, October 5). The ultimate life advice: How to get motivated, build confidence & create better relationships (Episode 441) [Audio podcast episode]. The Mel Robbins Podcast. https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-441/

Weir, A. (2021). Project Hail Mary. Ballantine Books.